A Little Too Late
by capitalab
Summary: **note: this story is currently on hiatus. i'm sorry for any frustration this might cause.** Ten years ago, Edward fought to get his family back. With a rebellious sixteen year old and problems of his own, will he lose them again?
1. The Greener Grass

_**A Little Too Late**_

_**Chapter One- The Greener Grass**_

_**BPOV**_

"You're still wearing your ring."

I glanced down at my hand, not the least bit surprised by the modest diamond staring back at me. He was right—I was wearing my wedding ring. What else was new? Had there ever been a time over the past eleven years—pregnancies excluded—when I hadn't worn the symbol of our love?

"Of course I am."

"I thought, maybe, since... well..."

I knew he was nervous. These days, Edward was always so anxious, so tense—like he was afraid one little thing would set me off. He never knew what might send me over the edge.

I always knew our marriage would be for better or for worse. I just never knew, until now, what _worse_ really meant.

I wanted to move on. I wanted to forgive him, for my sake and everyone else's. But even with time apart and therapy, it was so much easier said than done.

I sighed. "Spit it out, Edward."

He pleaded with his eyes. "Please let me come home. I miss you, sweetheart. I miss our kids."

The automatic response took over. I used it every time he asked. "I'm not ready."

He made no attempt to hide the hurt in his eyes. I reached across the table to grab his hand, reassuring him it would be soon. I wasn't giving up on us, not after everything we'd already been through. Time healed all wounds, right? It worked for us in the past, at least. And if time didn't help us now... well, the kids had already been through enough. If we couldn't get past this, the last thing we needed to do was give them any sort of false hope.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so, so sorry."

I had to force the words out. "Me too."

He quickly replaced the remorse in his voice with annoyance. "What the fuck do you have to be sorry about? None of this is your fault."

I completed his sentence with the phrase I'd heard hundreds of times. "It just happened."

Still, I didn't believe it for one second.

"She wasn't worth losing this."

He squeezed my hand tighter. I retracted as if I'd been burned with nitric acid. Why was he bringing her up now? Wasn't this supposed to be _our_ date night? For just one night I wanted to forget about our problems. I should have known better than to think Edward could do anything other than dwell on them.

Tears threatened to spill over at the unwelcome mental image of them together. "How can you even fucking say that? She wasn't worth it! Apparently she was! Do not tell me—after everything we've gone through—that she wasn't worth it. I don't believe you for one second, Edward!"

I was practically shouting, but Edward kept his voice low. "You know what exactly I mean. This is all my fault! What am I supposed to say? Please, tell me how to make it better."

Nothing. Nothing he or anyone else could say would make it better.

"Seth saw her the other day, you know?"

His face fell further at the mention of our oldest son. "How is he?"

"About the same. Still feels the need to argue with everything I say."

"At least he talks to you. I can't get him to say a goddamn word to me."

I smiled sadly. Our oldest could be so overprotective of me, even today. "Give him some time. He'll come around."

We spent the rest of our dinner date doing exactly what I'd wanted to do in the first place— forgetting about our problems. I downed three beers as Edward shared every lonely detail of his week. He stopped at four. We talked about the kids; about Kristen and her asthma, Keaton and his baseball games, EJ and his practical jokes, and even Seth's constant misbehavior. We laughed knowing it was only the precursor of what was to come. Having one teenager was bad enough. In a couple of years, we'd have a whole houseful.

Three hours later, my husband walked me to the front door of the house he'd bought for us nine years ago. Our three youngest were spending the night with my father. Much to my surprise, Seth's Jeep was parked in the far side of the driveway. We voiced our approval— I couldn't remember the last time our sixteen year old made it home before his curfew.

As we hesitated outside, Edward's hands moved to caress my face. I covered them with my own, enjoying the tingle of his skin against mine.

"I had a great time tonight," he whispered as if we'd just returned from our very first date.

He kissed me passionately and for a moment I allowed myself to get lost in the feeling. It took every ounce of strength I had left to pull away. We stalled, and I realized the obvious. Edward wanted me to invite him in.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Please," he begged. "I miss you."

"I'm sorry. Not tonight."

No matter how much I still loved my husband, the idea of being intimate with him or anyone else made me feel sick.

"Just let me spend the night. I'll sleep on the couch if I have to."

"No. I don't want the kids to get confused."

"The kids aren't even home!"

"Seth is home. You should come in and say hi to him."

"Seth has made it very clear to both of us he's not a kid anymore. And he wants nothing to do with me."

"I don't care. I can't do this yet, Edward. I'm sorry. Please don't shut him out."

He raised his voice. "Then stop shutting me out! Dammit, Bella. We're supposed to in this together! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

A few seconds later, the front door flew open. Seth, full of anger, moved between the two of us. As he stood face to face with his father, neither spoke. Still, the tension was palpable. I waited for Edward to make the first move—to be the one to defuse the situation. It didn't take long before I grew annoyed with their awkward silence and relentless stares.

"It's okay, Seth. We were just talking." I put my hand on his shoulder. "Dad was just about to come in to say hi."

"Hi," Seth replied disingenuously.

"Don't be a smart ass," I warned.

Edward exhaled, ignoring both of our comments. "I should go. Be good for Mom, Seth. Don't forget to take the trash out on time." He stepped around our son to kiss my cheek, staring into my eyes with more intensity than necessary. "I'll pick up the kids from Charlie's in the morning. I love you, beautiful."

It didn't matter how many times he said the words; I still knew better than to believe them. At 35, I'd never felt so hideous— not after I had Seth, EJ, or even the twins. Beautiful? I wasn't beautiful, and definitely not in comparison to her.

Such a big part of me screamed, _he doesn't love you. _I fought to keep it at bay, refusing to let him see the tears accumulating in my eyes. I couldn't fall apart now. Not in front of Seth, and not while Edward was looking for the smallest excuse to spend the night. I didn't want compassion, especially not from him.

"Bella, I love you," he repeated, barely above a whisper. "I still love you."

I wondered aloud, mostly to myself, "Then how did we end up like this?"

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/**

**11 months earlier...**

"Mom, can we order pizza tonight?"

I glanced over at my fifteen year old son, overcome by a moment of deja vu. It wasn't as if asking to order pizza was a major feat at the Cullen house. As the mother of four kids, I'd caved to the temptation to order out more than I'd care to admit. It wasn't necessarily what Seth asked, but _how_ he asked it that sent me back to an almost identical conversation I'd had with him almost ten years ago.

"What?" he asked, obviously perturbed by my gaze.

"Do you remember asking me that when you were five?"

He rolled his eyes. "I've probably asked you that like a thousand times."

"True, but on that particular night I realized I still had... _feelings_ for your dad."

He raised his eyebrow. "Okay..."

"You were spending the night with him."

Seth filled in the gaps. "So you could go out with your boyfriend. Yeah, Mom, I remember."

His version of the story wasn't entirely true— I had gone out with someone that night, Jake, but he wasn't my boyfriend. He could have been if not for Edward's interference and the job I'd been offered in Florida. That night, ten years ago, everything started to change. My life turned upside down, and when the dust finally settled, I was knocked up and three thousand miles away from home.

"He wasn't my boyfriend," I corrected him.

Seth grabbed a hat off the counter and checked his cell phone for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Whatever, Mom, I don't really care. Can we order pizza or not?"

"As long as you're home by six." I smiled, rising up on my toes to plant an uninvited kiss on his cheek. Much to his disgust, I straightened the bill of his baseball cap in the process.

"Gah," he groaned. "Stop being gross, Mom."

I laughed, slightly offended by the way Seth wiped the imaginary germs from his cheek. My teenage son wasn't so amused. As he always loved to remind me, he wasn't a little kid anymore. Seth surpassed me in height over a year ago; he was learning to drive, shave, and unfortunately, talk back. Long ago, he decided how uncool his parents were. But even though he'd grown older, he was still very much the same boy who helped bring his parents back together a decade ago.

He left the kitchen just as his father entered. "Later, Mom. Dad," he said, heading out the front door and off to school.

"Seemed like he was in a hurry this morning." My husband of almost a decade grabbed a mug from the cabinet and went straight for the coffee pot. Caffeine was a necessity at our house, especially for me. It was only eight, but I was already on my third cup.

Four kids, remember?

My arms made their way around Edward's waist. His lips pressed lightly to my forehead and I allowed myself to enjoy a moment of peace and quiet before the time came to wake the others for school. Six years separated Seth from his brother EJ. Another two passed before Kristen and Keaton came into the picture. After the twins, we decided we'd had enough. There were times when Edward expressed a desire for one more— he desperately wanted another daughter. But at the end of the day, I was glad we stopped when we did. Twins were exhausting.

"You know how he likes to spend time with Katie before school," I reminded him.

Katie and Seth had been inseparable since school began almost two months ago. Their friendship started over the summer and slowly worked its way into something more serious. When Seth wasn't working part time at Newton's, it was almost a given that they were together. Mostly, they spent afternoons at our house working on homework and art projects. When I needed to work late, I knew I could almost always count on Seth and his girlfriend to be my impromptu babysitters.

Edward sighed. "That's what I was afraid of."

It was typical for Edward to jump to conclusions, but Seth and Katie weren't bad kids. Sure, they were teenagers, but they knew when to stop... or so I hoped. The longer their relationship continued, the more Edward began to wonder. Things came to a head last week when my ten year old rushed upstairs to tell us all about the compromising position he'd stumbled upon. Seth and Katie ashamedly insisted that they were just making out, but Edward and I knew better than to think it would have continued like that for much longer. With yet another stern reminder to keep the door to his basement bedroom open at all times, Edward warned our son not to let it happen again.

"Oh, relax, honey," I pouted. "He's just a teenage boy."

"Yeah, well, I was a teenage boy once too. Remember?"

How could I forget?

I got pregnant the night of my high school graduation. Edward had been my lab partner, and in hindsight, a good friend— but nothing more. I went to the beach that night; to a party with people I barely knew and had no reason to trust. Edward was there too. That night, he told me he was only there to buy some pills, but I knew better than to believe he would have just left if not for me. He would have found more alcohol, probably another girl, and none of this would exist for me. I would have gone to college, to UCLA, and never looked back. Instead, I went home with Edward. I lost my virginity that night to a boy who seemingly wanted nothing more to do with me or our baby— a boy who struggled for years with his own self esteem and the guilt from holding me back from the future he thought I deserved.

A boy who refused to allow himself to love or be loved for the next six years.

Even still, I felt confident when I said, "Well, if he's anything like his father, we have nothing to worry about."

My husband didn't agree. "That's the problem. He's _too_ much like me."

"Edward, how many women have you been with?"

He scoffed. "You know the answer to that."

I did; I just wanted to hear him say it. "Well?"

"You," he finally whispered.

"You're thirty-five years old and you've only had sex with one woman."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

My lips brushed the stubble on his cheek. "No. It's definitely not. But do you know how rare it is? How many people has Jasper slept with? Or Emmett?"

Jasper was Edward's man-whoring best friend. He finally settled down, but only after getting my best friend pregnant. Edward's older brother, Emmett, had quite the reputation for messing around while we were in high school. It wasn't until a year after his graduation that he found Rosalie. I don't know how she managed, but she did a fairly good job of keeping him in line. Their oldest son was only a couple of years younger than ours.

He shrugged. "What can I say? I knew what I wanted. Or should I say _who_."

My husband slowly began to brush his lips against mine. I needed to wake the kids up soon, but that didn't stop me from savoring the attention. My daughter's allergies had been bothering her all week, along with her asthma. She'd been weaseling her way into our room at night, and that left no time for Mommy and Daddy_._

Our sex life wasn't on fire, not by any means, but that didn't mean I didn't want him. It had been almost a week since the last time we'd been intimate. He deepened our kiss, and I brought my hands to the back of his neck. His went to my hips, lifting me onto the kitchen counter. A few seconds later, my legs wrapped around his waist and I felt his arousal through the thin layers of material that separated us.

I pulled away all too quickly.

"Bella," Edward groaned.

"I have to wake the kids up," I told him, "and you have to go to work."

He began to loosen his tie. "It's not even eight, babe. I don't have to be at my desk for another half hour. And getting the kids ready doesn't take forty-five minutes."

"Edward," I reproached.

"Come on, sweetheart." He grinned. "I can make it quick."

Pushing him back, I hopped down from the counter. "I have no doubt about that, but my answer is still no."

He let out an exaggerated sigh.

"I'll make it up to you tonight. I promise."

"Assuming we don't have a seven-year-old wedged between us."

I shrugged. "So we'll wait for her to fall asleep and carry her back into her room."

"But then you'll probably be too tired."

He was probably right. "Whatever, Edward. Go to work already. All of this pouting is so unbecoming of you."

As a final attempt to get his way, Edward gave me one last lingering kiss. I straightened his tie— one of many reminders of the things that had changed over the years. Since moving back to Forks, Edward had been given a series of promotions at the hospital. He now held the position of Nurse Manager, meaning he oversaw all of the other RNs. When Keaton and Kristen finally started school three years ago, I took a part time job at the police station doing clerical work. My dad desperately needed the help, and with the kids gone, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. Plus, we could always use the extra money.

"I hope you intend on keeping your promise, Mrs. Cullen," he whispered. "In the meantime, kiss my babies for me."

I saw past his attempt to seduce me with charm. "Have a good day. Oh, and tell Alice I said hi."

He began to grumble again, this time about sharing an office space with my best friend. It was hardly ideal for him, especially with all of the drama surrounding Alice and Jasper. Over the past few months, our friends had hit a bit of a rough spot in their marriage. We tried to avoid the conflict as much as possible, but it was hard with all of us working and living so close together. We heard about it everyday.

It all started when Jasper began to spend more time at the station and less time at home. Of course, it didn't take long for Alice's imagination to get the best of her. Every time she came to me with her suspicions, I tried my best to soothe her fears. I saw Jasper all the time and never noticed anything out of the ordinary. As far as I could tell, he was still very much in love with his wife. They had their moments, of course, but so did we. At the station, he worked hard and maintained the highest level of professionalism.

Her name was Victoria.

Their first encounter happened a little over three months ago at the bowling alley in Forks. Someone was stealing money from the till. As it turned out, Tori had been slipping tens from the register for weeks. Jasper escorted her back to the station before convincing the alley to drop the charges. He took her home, and as far as most knew, that was the end of it.

It was a few weeks before he actually saw her again.

SWAT raided her house. Well, technically, it was her mother's house.

The information Tori provided Jasper with had been more than enough to put Tori's mom, along with a handful of others, behind bars. It propelled Jasper's career forward and saved a teenager from her own living hell. The bust didn't happen a moment too soon. No child should ever have to steal for food. Nor should she have to fall asleep fearing what or who she might wake up to.

Tori's mom was a terrible mother. A wretched, despicable mother.

The horror stories she told Jasper were enough to make me sick to my stomach. Her father died of an overdose when she was seven, leaving her to fend for herself over the past nine years. He failed her, and so had the system... time and time again.

But as she soon found out, foster care wasn't much better.

Social Services placed her at a home in La Push. There were already three other children in the home, each with a laundry list of problems. Tori wasn't a perfect child, not by any means. She admitted to using, stealing, and a slew of other things. As Jasper insisted, she didn't know any better. Her mother did nothing but encourage her behavior.

He refused to accept that she might have been a lost cause.

The way he saw it, she just needed someone to care—a parental figure to keep her in line. Jasper more or less became that person. He was the one to make sure she was in school everyday. Jazz made sure she had lunch money and a ride home. He worked overtime on her case, ensuring that she wouldn't go home even after her mother was released. She went to him when she needed something and even when she didn't. Tori began spending most of her time at the station. Sometimes, she kept me company when Jasper wasn't around.

Alice didn't trust her. She couldn't understand why Jasper had become so attached, why he couldn't let go. It really wasn't my place or Edward's to say anything. After all, we had our own kids to worry about.

"He's just trying to be a nice guy," I said to my husband in Jasper's defense.

"Yeah, well, she isn't his kid, Bella."

"Obviously."

"Would you want some drugged up, over-sexed teenager hanging around our babies?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on. She isn't _that_ bad."

"I don't care. Alice is right to keep her away from Maddie and Jack."

"And _we're_ right to stay out of it," I reminded him. "I still can't believe they're considering separation over it, though."

"I know, I know. Just... thank God it's not us, right? I hope we never end up in their shoes."

I kissed him one final time. As far as I was concerned, nothing would ever tear me away from my husband—not after everything we'd already been through.

"Seriously, Edward. What could possibly get us to that point?"


	2. Short Haired Tornado

**EPOV**

It didn't matter how many times I told her the truth.

She never believed me.

"Bella, I love you." My eyes never left hers, and I saw the way she struggled to decipher my words. She didn't think I was being sincere. After everything we'd been through, there were still doubts in her mind. "I still love you," I repeated, struggling not to scream. My hands trembled against her skin.

I still loved her.

"Then how did we end up like this?"

My fault.

Everything was completely, undeniably, one hundred percent my fault.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated. I waited for her to say it back, hoping it wouldn't cause every blood vessel in my body to burst. It made me so angry when she tried to apologize for something she had no control over. I didn't want her to think any of this was her fault. Bella didn't do anything wrong. No one blamed her, and she desperately needed to stop blaming herself.

My thumb brushed her cheek, drying the tears she didn't want me to see. My wife was falling apart, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't going to fall asleep holding her and I couldn't make the pain go away. I doubted anything would.

Our therapist told me I needed to be more patient.

Bella graced me with the three words I so desperately needed to hear, but they didn't make my heart or head hurt any less. Very reluctantly I said my goodbyes and walked away while Seth led his distraught mother into the house. As much as it calmed me to know he had her side, I'd also never felt so helpless and alone. I wished I could find some way to turn back time. Every damn day, I promised God, the devil, and anyone else who would listen that I'd sell my soul for another chance. There's nothing I wouldn't do.

All was quiet when I made it back to my parents' house. I'd been living with them ever since Bella finally snapped and kicked me out last month. She didn't necessarily want me to stay here, but I refused to move anywhere else. To get my own apartment would have felt permanent, and I desperately wanted our separation to be anything but. Besides, the kids were here often enough. Mom and Dad had done their best to make the past nine and a half weeks easier for all of us.

With my head on a pillow and my mind on my family, I closed my eyes and prayed I'd wake up from my nightmare soon. I woke up to a text message instead—the same one she'd been sending for weeks.

_I miss you._

Like almost every other day, I struggled to get out of bed. The facade of being strong was much harder to keep up when I was alone. For at least five minutes, I stared at the picture accompanying her contact entry in my phone. I knew Bella wouldn't be happy if she saw, but lately I'd become somewhat of an expert at keeping things from her. With that in mind, I eventually composed a reply.

_I miss you too, gorgeous... so much. Can I see you tonight?_

"Daddy!"

"Princess!"

I'd barely passed over the threshold when my eight-year-old daughter nearly tackled me to the floor. She continued to attack me with hugs and kisses as I lifted her into my arms, happy that I still had at least one of my girls. The boys were less aggressive with their affection, but each practically screamed for my attention nonetheless. When I finally looked up from where they stood, I saw my father-in-law leaning against the banister. His arms were crossed, and he didn't look happy to see me.

Then again, what else was new?

"Where's Bella?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I'm assuming she's at the house. Why?"

"I take it date night didn't go like you'd planned, then."

I shook my head. Date night wasn't really something I wanted to talk about in front of the kids. And what was Charlie insinuating anyway? That I wasn't successful because I didn't get into her pants? Is that how he thought I measured progress? I just wanted to sleep under my own roof again. And as far as my gorgeous wife was concerned... well, I'd take anything she was willing to give.

Okay, so maybe Charlie wasn't totally wrong. My dick ached for Bella and the peace of mind only she could offer. "No, not really."

I felt my phone buzz in my front pocket. I didn't have to look to know exactly who was texting me, and it served as an adequate reminder that sex _should_ have been the furthest thing from my mind. Still, I wanted it. During our last therapy session Bella said she'd be ready again soon, but soon wasn't soon enough for my stupid fucking male hormones. The condom I'd put into my wallet before I left my parents' house might as well have been burning a hole in it.

"Ready to go, Kiddo?" Kristen gripped my neck tighter. I sent the boys to gather their things and gave my daughter a peck on the cheek. I knew if I stuck around much longer, Charlie would probably find some reason to pick a fight with me. It was inevitable.

"I suppose this means you're keeping them for the day," he concluded.

I was. I always kept the younger kids on the weekends. They usually spent the night with me at my parents' but tonight was an exception. I knew Bella wouldn't want them away two nights in a row. "Yeah. We're meeting Bella at six."

"And Seth? Is he spending the day with you too?"

I exhaled. "Who knows? He has an open invitation as usual, but I doubt it means much to him."

"I worry about him, you know?"

Again, I didn't like what Charlie was suggesting. Did he think I didn't worry endlessly about my son? As if I didn't know what he had been up to... I wasn't an idiot. I knew he kept things from his mother and me. Seth used my situation with Bella to his advantage, sneaking out and slipping under the radar. How many times over the past few weeks had my wife called me to say our son hadn't come home yet? And how many times had I smelled the alcohol on my sixteen-year-old's breath when I went looking for him anywhere and everywhere at all hours of the night?

Sometimes, I thought I could kill Jasper for bringing Tori into our lives.

Seth was playing with fire. It would only be a matter of time before he got himself or someone else hurt. You'd think he'd know better, seeing as how I knocked his mom up right out of high school. I always hoped he'd learn from my mistakes—not follow them. I told him that, too. The first time I caught him wasted, something inside my head snapped. I'd never been so angry with anyone in my life.

Myself excluded, of course.

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

**PAST**

Thirty seconds into my day, it began.

"He wants to let her move in with us!" Alice wailed, making no attempts to fight the tears as they welled in her eyes.

Great. They were arguing again. I shouldn't have been surprised. What else was new? I doubted Jasper and Alice were capable of anything else nowadays. I wondered if Alice would notice if I started banging my head against the desk. Why did I, of all people, have to share an office with my wife's over-dramatic best friend?

Tanya, freshly divorced and still as annoying as ever, chose that moment to poke her head through the doorway. "Good morning! There are donuts in the break room. Eddie, do you want me to grab you a maple bar before they're gone?"

Right—because the only other available office was right next to _her's_. I shuddered at the thought. She eventually took a hint and disappeared as Alice tried unsuccessfully to hold in her laughter. I still didn't understand why everyone found Tanya's unhealthy fascination for my dick so amusing. Really, the woman couldn't be more pathetic. If I hadn't pursued her by now, obviously I wasn't going to.

"So, are you going to let her? Move in, I mean."

Over the past few months, I'd learned something. There was only one thing worse than being pulled into the middle of an all-out war between your best friend and his wife: having to take his wife's side.

Jasper was bat shit crazy.

"Maybe you guys can take her in," she suggested. "You have that game room in the basement and—"

I might have agreed with Alice, but I definitely didn't like the turn our conversation had taken. "Over my dead body."

"Edward," she whined. "Why not? How many times have you _begged_ Bella for another daughter? Well, here's your chance!"

I didn't beg. I just asked... again and again. "I said I wanted another daughter. I didn't say anything about grandchildren. I'm only thirty-four, for fuck's sake!"

She knew what I meant. Hell would freeze over before I'd allow my teenager to share his basement with someone of the opposite sex. This was especially true when it came to an attention starved girl as delinquent and promiscuous as Tori. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I definitely didn't want to find out through my fifteen-year-old son.

"Oh, come on. She isn't that bad."

I recalled my wife saying the exact same thing. "I don't care. Maybe I'll let EJ move in with you in a few years. See how you like that."

EJ, my nine year old son, was only a few months younger than Alice's daughter.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "Over Jasper's dead body."

"My point exactly. It's no big deal, though. EJ thinks girls have cooties anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "You guys taught him that on purpose."

I shrugged. So what if we did? It was Jasper's idea; one of the many measures to keep his little girl safe. I actually found it humorous, watching my best friend morph into such a stern parent. He didn't like to mess around when it came to his kids. Undoubtedly he remembered all of the shit he did when we were younger and I couldn't blame him. Jasper used to be one crazy motherfucker.

Maybe that's why he liked Victoria so much.

Now, he was so goddamn mature he wanted to parent someone else's kid. I thought it was a little crazy, but what did I know? To each their own, I supposed. After all, I was the one who desperately wanted number five. Everyone, Bella included, probably thought I was a little crazy too.

"I guess that's the good thing about marriage, right? Keeping each other balanced, reining in the insanity..."

She looked at me with one perched eyebrow. "Do you think_ I'm_ crazy?"

"No," I answered immediately, though the look on her face made it hard to sound even remotely sincere. "I'm talking about Jasper. And me, _obviously_. Our women keep us in check. I mean, where would I be without Bella?"

I wasn't sure if she believed me or not, so I kept talking. "It's a good thing, I swear."

"So what you're saying is, even though you've spent the past three years trying to convince your wife to have another baby, you actually think it's a good thing she's saying no."

"Sure," I lied. "I guess."

"I don't think I believe you."

"How do you know so much about that anyway?" I wondered. "Has Bella said anything?"

It felt wrong pressing Alice for information about my wife, but I couldn't resist. Had Bella been talking about it? And more specifically, was my wife finally changing her mind? The thought of making another baby made my dick swell with anticipation. Sliding into my wife, knowing there was a purpose to our pleasure... well, needless to say, I had to adjust myself under the desk. If Alice noticed, she didn't say anything.

"She might casually mention it every once in a while, usually just before I remind her that your sperm have proven capable of delivering the most terrifying news a woman can ever get from her uterus... twins."

"Gee, thanks," I sneered. I fought the urge to remind her that Keaton and Kristen were fraternal, which meant they came from two separate eggs. The twins were Bella's fault, not mine.

"Edward," she spoke arrogantly. "My job is to rein in the crazy. Remember?"

"Hey," I wondered later that day. Lunch had come and gone, and I spent most of my time entertaining the idea that Bella might eventually change her mind soon. As much as I hated to admit it, we were getting older. My wife celebrated her thirty-fourth birthday a few weeks ago, and time wasn't really on my side anymore. I asked Alice, "What made you and Jasper decide to stop at two?"

I waited for her to respond, never bothering to look away from my computer screen. Really, I only wanted to strike up a conversation because I thought Alice might accidentally reveal more of what Bella had to say about having another baby. Plus, payroll was boring, and I was willing to do anything to pass the time.

A few seconds of silence passed before I finally glanced over at Alice. So much had changed over the past ten years. It seemed like just yesterday we couldn't even tolerate being in the same room together. Our relationship had certainly shifted for the better, but we still had our moments. Usually we fought over stupid things, like the temperature in our office and who's turn it was to clean the coffee pot. It had been a while since I'd done anything to actually upset her.

"Ah, fuck," I breathed, seeing her watery eyes. "What's wrong now?"

She unleashed a bellowing cry. "I think the better question is, what's so wrong with me, Edward, that my own husband wants to adopt some other woman's kid?"

My jaw dropped, and I realized Alice and Jasper's problems were a lot more serious than Bella and I could have ever imagined. I wondered what I'd gotten myself into. "Don't be stupid, Ali. Nothing is wrong with you."

"Both of my kids were accidents," she sobbed, "and after we had Jack, Jasper told me he didn't want any more."

I didn't know that. I wondered if Bella did. "Really?"

She sniveled. "I thought maybe he'd come around after a couple of years, but every time I asked he'd come up with another reason why we shouldn't."

"Wow." My mouth hung open. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Then she came along, and all of the sudden it's like we don't matter anymore. I can't even remember the last time my husband told me he loved me."

I tried my best to understand where Alice was coming from. While it was true that Jasper and Alice only got married because they were pregnant with Maddie, he always insisted it would have happened regardless. Jasper always told me Alice was the one for him. He loved her; I was sure of it.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ali. Jasper loves Maddie and Jack." Possibly a few seconds too late, I added, "And he obviously loves you."

She looked at me like she knew better. "Whatever, Edward."

I kept talking. "Maybe you should consider it as a compliment. Jasper doesn't just want to adopt some chick on his own. He wants to adopt her together. He knows you're a good mom, Ali. He's just an idiot when it comes to showing it."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yeah, I do. Trust me, I'm a guy." I referenced our conversation from earlier. "Sometimes, we just need our women to tell us when we're being stupid. Remember?"

She sniveled, reaching for another tissue to add to the pile on her desk. "I'm worried if I give him an ultimatum, he won't pick me."

Sadly, I agreed. I didn't want to tell her that, though. Instead, I stood from my desk and crossed the room. It felt a little weird pulling Alice into a hug, but I wasn't sure what else I could do to make her feel better. "He'd be crazy not to," I whispered into her hair.

I backed away from the embrace, kneeling by her side as she sat back down at her desk. We were quiet for a bit as Alice put herself back together. Part of me wanted to find Jasper and punch him in the face for being such a dick to his wife. The other half wanted to sit down with Bella and find out exactly why she was so reluctant to make me a father one last time.

She finally spoke. "You know, sometimes I don't think Bella realizes how lucky she is to have you."

Alice's soft eyes gazed into mine, and I noticed her tears were finally gone. She forced herself to laugh. "Alice?" I asked.

"I'm serious, Edward."

"Yeah, right. You hate me, remember?"

"Of course I do. You have four fucking kids and you still want more. Do you have any idea how sexy it is when a guy actually wants to be a daddy? Do you realize what that says about you?"

"That I'm crazy?" I tried not to focus on the fact that my best friend's wife just called me sexy, wondering what it would look like if someone chose that moment to walk in on us. What we were doing was totally innocent, but I was sure it didn't look that way. If I were talking to anyone other than Alice, I would feel like I had crossed some sort of line.

"Maybe a little bit," she teased. "But mostly, it tells me you're one hundred percent, irrevocably in love with Bella. And if she can't see that, well, then I'd say she's the crazy one."

* * *

><p>AN: I started a blog. It's a work in progress but I intend on posting teasers there from time to time. There's also an A Little Too Late Story banner, so check it out: capitalab[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Thanks for reviewing.


	3. Trouble

**Chapter 3 Trouble**

**BPOV**

My alarm clock buzzed far too early for a Sunday morning.

It was only a little after five o'clock, but this had become my weekend routine. I forced myself to roll out of bed, throwing on a pair of cotton yoga pants and the hooded sweatshirt I'd set out the night before. It was a good thing I wasn't trying to impress anyone, because I definitely looked like shit.

Why else would I be going to the gym?

After tying my Nikes, I poked my head into Seth's room and reminded him he was in charge. He didn't like being woken up at the crack of dawn any more than I did, but at least Seth had the option of falling right back to sleep. The other kids knew where to find him if they needed something. Hopefully they wouldn't. I checked on them anyway before grabbing my keys and heading out the door.

As usual, the gym was dead. Sunday mornings were always slower than every other day of the week. I suppose everyone assumed they deserved some sort of a breather on the so-called day of rest, but I'd actually grown to enjoy to my morning work out. My weight was almost down to what it had been before I'd gotten pregnant with the twins. The disgusting stretch marks and c-section scars remained, but I still felt much better about myself than I had a couple of months ago.

I settled onto the elliptical in the far corner, turning on my iPod but paying little attention to the music. My mind was on Edward and how sweet he'd been the night before when dropping off the kids. The roses he gave me looked great on the kitchen counter at home, and his romantic gesture did not go unappreciated. I loved him so much, and each day it was getting a little easier to move forward.

Ten minutes into my routine, a man hopped onto the machine next to me. I looked over to put a face with my new enemy—someone who clearly could have chosen any other machine in the room. Guys hit on me from time to time, but most took a hint when they saw the ring. I could only hope this one had half a brain. I really wasn't in the mood to fight anyone off, and I certainly wasn't interested in meeting a man.

I came to a sudden halt, ripping the headphones from my ears.

"Edward?"

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Good morning, gorgeous."

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

His face turned sad. "I miss waking up next to you."

"It's five thirty in the morning. Something tells me you weren't just strolling through the neighborhood."

"Well, no. EJ might have mentioned you'd be here."

"Figures."

"Bella," he sighed. "What are _you_ doing here?"

I shrugged. "Working out makes me feel better about myself."

"Fair enough." He paused, checking to make sure we were still alone. "Look, I know you still need... space. But just know I'm here, okay? I'll be in the weight room if you need anything."

I felt fairly certain I wouldn't need anything. Who did he think he was anyway? Working out was _my_ morning routine. I liked having the time to myself to clear my head. Wasn't it enough that he and Ava already occupied almost all of my thoughts? Did he really need to _physically_ be there to haunt me, too?

"I'm a big girl, Edward. I can take care of myself."

"Maybe you're right, babe, but it doesn't hurt to let a guy feel wanted every once in a while."

I stood there gaping as Edward stormed out of the room. He didn't even give me a chance to argue—not that I could have come up with a good one anyway. Left alone with the guilt of pushing my husband away, I began to reconsider my words. I realized maybe I needed Edward more than I wanted to admit.

It seemed minor. We weren't even in the same room together, but something about him being there made me push myself a little harder. Slowly, my doubts were beginning to dwindle. I knew he still loved me. He told me so every day, and I was finally starting to believe it again. Edward loved me enough to give me the space I needed to overcome my anguish, all the while staying close enough to help me if I asked for it. For the first time in so long, I felt hope—hope that we could get past this, and hope that I could forgive him.

And even hope that, maybe, someday, I might be able to forgive myself.

"Okay, I'm ready to go."

It was a little strange to see Edward lifting weights. He'd never done it before, and from the looks of things he wasn't exactly enjoying it now. The dumbbells hit the ground faster than I could finish my sentence, reaffirming my suspicion that he wouldn't have been caught dead in the gym if it weren't for me.

"Look, Bella. Sorry about what I said—"

"You shouldn't be. Really, it's fine."

"Well, can I take you out to breakfast?"

"That seems a little counterproductive, don't you think?" I was only joking, but his face fell. After a few calming breaths, I decided I could handle what I was about to suggest. "It's still early, so I was actually hoping we could catch a few hours of sleep."

"Really?" He stuttered, "I mean, yeah. Of course, babe. I'd love that. Whatever you want."

"Great. So I'll follow you to your parents' house then?"

"Oh."

"It's just, the kids might... And I don't know if I'm ready..."

"No, Bella. It's fine," he assured me. "Really."

Edward and I walked hand in hand to our cars. Once there, I sent my son a quick text to let him know I wouldn't be coming home anytime soon.

I didn't tell him why.

"Mmmm," Edward moaned. "I've missed this."

His grip on me tightened. I burrowed my face into his neck, kissing it softly. I could feel his erection pressing against me, and it didn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it might. I didn't want to admit to myself how much I'd missed our intimacy, but I definitely had. It was obvious he did too.

Exhaustion didn't even begin to describe how tired I felt. Sleep always came easier for me when I was with him, and I knew that morning would be no exception. I allowed myself to indulge, knowing very well it might come back to haunt me later. It would appear he was doing the same. I couldn't escape his grasp if I tried.

"I love you, Bella. Sleep tight," he whispered.

"Love you too. Goodnight."

A feeling of guilt washed over me as we drifted to sleep. But when we woke up hours later, guilt wasn't enough to stop me from asking him if we could do it again.

_**PAST**_

"Are you ready for me?" he teased, barely audible in our darkened bedroom. The door was locked, the kids were _finally_ asleep, and it'd been almost an entire week since I'd gotten an opportunity to please my husband. Our clothes had been discarded long ago, and he'd taken his time to kiss every square inch of my body. Needless to say, I was more than ready. I told him so with something between a nod and a moan.

His lips grazed my collar bone, my neck, my lips, and finally, my closed eyelids. My skin burned hot with every gentle touch. Usually, Edward didn't have time to be so thorough. I was always tired or worried about one of the kids walking in or he was just too goddamn eager for us to really enjoy ourselves. Tonight was the exception. Edward was making it a point to drive me insane.

"You're so gorgeous," he whispered. His fingers gripped my slender wrist and moved it between our bodies. I touched him lightly at first, playfully stringing him along before tightening my grip. He smiled mischievously against my lips as I began to stroke. "God, I love it when you touch me."

"I love being the only one who's allowed to touch you."

"You've always been the only one."

"Mmm... I like the sound of that."

"And you will always be the only one."

Another moan escaped my lips. "Even better."

Our lips collided with fervency. The conviction of his words came across as he refused to pull away, with the kiss continuing long after he entered me. The rhythm set by Edward's slow thrusts mimicked the way his tongue slid its way in and out of my mouth. I ran my hands through his hair, down his neck, and clung to his shoulder blades as if they were the only things keeping me from completely unraveling beneath him. It would only be a matter of time.

I pushed against his chest. "On top."

Without breaking our connection, Edward rolled onto his back. My orgasms were always much stronger when I rocked my body against his, and I could already feel the familiar tingle building in the pit of my stomach. His hands guided my hips, and the friction proved to be too much. The sound of his name radiated from my lungs as I came undone.

"Shhh," he warned. "Quiet, gorgeous."

I smiled. Edward thought I was being too loud, and well, he was probably right. I tended to lose touch with reality when my attention was otherwise involved. "Sorry," I whispered.

I kissed his soft lips.

My kisses trailed south.

It only took a few swirls of my tongue before Edward became the one with difficulty maintaining his volume level. He ran his hands through my hair, and his dick, still wet with my arousal, went deeper into my throat with every thrust of his hips. I loved it when Edward fucked my mouth. He came quickly, and being the good wife I was, I swallowed everything he had for me.

A few minutes later, we were still inseparable. I nestled close to his bare body, in no hurry to fall asleep or do anything which involved leaving the bubble we'd created—the one where nothing mattered except us. In fact, if Edward never wanted to leave our bedroom again, I'd probably be content. As long as my husband kept making love to me the way he had, I would likely do anything to please him.

Well, maybe not anything...

"So, I made Alice cry today."

"You what?" I gasped. "Edward!"

He chuckled. "Relax, sweetheart. I didn't do it on purpose."

"So what happened then?"

"Did you know Jasper didn't want any more kids?"

I did know that. It was a sensitive subject for Alice, and she was always telling me how fortunate I was to have Edward. I knew she was right; I was a very lucky woman. I loved my kids more than anything in the world, and there was no way I would ever be able thank Edward enough for them. My babies had a great father. Sincerely, I could not have asked for a better husband.

"Yeah, I knew that. What about it?"

"Well, I didn't, and I made the mistake of asking her why they'd never had another. I felt so bad, Bella. She thinks he doesn't love her anymore."

I knew better. I'd spent enough time at the station to know Jasper's arguments with Alice were tearing him apart. He just didn't know what to do about it. He couldn't abandon Tori. Not after turning her entire life upside down. "You know he does."

My husband sighed. I could hear the sad reluctance in his voice. "Does he?"

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure if we were still talking about our friends. I clung to him a little tighter. "Edward, you have to understand our situation isn't like theirs at all. You know that, right?"

"I know." He didn't sound convinced.

"I just don't know if I want to go through that again. As much as I love our kids, pregnancy has never really agreed with me."

"I would beg to differ. You're never more beautiful than when you're carrying my children."

"I'm also never more argumentative, irritable, and miserable. Admit it."

He kissed my temple. "Maybe you're a little grumpy, but it's worth it."

"But Edward, we've almost got one out of the house. We've never had time to ourselves, you know? I was kind of looking forward to it just being us ten or so years from now, and if we have another kid it'll never happen."

"So your answer is still no," he concluded. "It's always going to be no."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I love you, and I love our babies."

"But?"

"I'm not changing my mind about this."

"Bella Swan?"

The voice, which came from behind me, sounded vaguely familiar. A few days had passed since my talk with Edward. Alice and I were picking up a few things from Walmart in Port Angeles with the kids, but we'd separated momentarily so that I could take Keaton to the restroom. When I turned, I was immediately able to put a face with the voice. My jaw dropped. "Jake?"

I hadn't seen Jacob Black in over a decade... not since the day I broke up with Edward. It was Jake who'd helped my dad move all of my furniture into storage, after all. I vaguely remembered Charlie telling me Jake's father had died not long after I moved to Florida. Having nothing better to do, Jake enlisted in the Air Force. My eyes did an assessment of his body. The past ten years had treated him well. His high-and-tight haircut suited him, and he'd maintained the toned muscles I'd once found relatively attractive.

He wasted no time lifting me off the ground and into a vigorous bear hug. It was clear Jake either hadn't seen the boy next to me, or the ring on my finger—or, maybe, he just didn't care. When he finally stepped back, I subtly pulled Keaton between us. My baby gave me a curious stare.

"Wow, Bella. It's been a long time."

I offered a polite smile. "It really has."

He playfully grabbed my left hand and took a closer look at Edward's ring. "Damn, and you're married too. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

I nodded. "I am. How've you been? Charlie told me about your dad. I'm so sorry, Jake."

"It's okay, Bella. It was ten years ago. I'm kind of over it now." He finally acknowledged the make-shift human shield between us. "Wow. Didn't anyone tell you cloning is illegal?"

He was, of course, referring to Keaton and the fact that he looked _exactly_ like his oldest brother. I smiled. "This is my youngest. Keaton, this is Mommy's..." I struggled to find the right word. Jake didn't really qualify as an ex, and the younger kids didn't know Edward and I spent time apart. We wanted to keep them in the dark for as long as possible. "...friend."

Jake laughed under his breath. "So where is Seth anyway? I miss that kid."

"You know, he's really not much of a kid anymore." The thought made me sad. "And he's back in Forks. His dad wanted to spend the day with him."

"Edward actually _wanted_ to spend time with him? Wow. That's a shocker. And by the way, who's the lucky guy anyway? The one who finally tore Edward's hooks from—"

I cut him off. Clearly, he'd misunderstood me. "I married him, Jake."

"You married Edward," he said warily.

I looked him straight in the eye. "I've never wanted anyone else."

"You moved to Florida to get away from him."

"_We_ moved to Florida for a fresh start. And I'd appreciate it if you'd leave it at that."

"Oh. My. God."

I turned again to see Alice's eyes rake over Jake's body, lingering far too long on areas they shouldn't. The grin on Jake's face made it obvious that he noticed too. "Hey there. It's Alice, isn't it?"

She smiled back. "You remembered."

"How could I forget?"

I pointed to Kristen and EJ, intent on interrupting whatever moment they were having. "Uh, Jake. These are the rest of my kids. And the other two belong to Alice and her husband Jasper."

I hoped saying his name would snap her back to reality.

It didn't.

Luckily, Jake got distracted. "Seriously? You had four kids with Edward? That's... insane."

Alice giggled. "I know, right?"

I shot them both a glare. It was definitely time for us to go. The entire conversation was becoming more uncomfortable with every passing second. I didn't like the way Jake talked about Edward in front of Keaton or how Alice eye fucked someone I used to date right in front of me—and her kids, for that matter. But mostly, I didn't appreciate the way either of them seemed to act like having kids with my husband was anything other than the best decision I'd ever made.

"Edward is a great husband and father. If I had the choice, I'd do it all over again."


	4. The Missing Frame

**Chapter 4 The Missing Frame**

**EPOV**

I parked in front of the run-down building on the west side of Port Angeles, hitting the lock button on my truck twice for good measure. It'd been a while since I'd been to Skin Deep, but everything still looked the same—dishonorable, dilapidated. Still, there was something inviting about its doors. Unmistakable talent kept people coming back.

"Hey, man. Can I help you?"

"I'm Edward Cullen. I have an appointment at three."

The twenty-something circus freak looked down at the shop's appointment book for my name. I knew I was a little early, but Bella wanted to do dinner with the kids at six thirty. I didn't want to risk showing up late and having to explain, so I took my chances. I was on the verge of questioning the guy's ability to read when he finally located my name among the very few others scattered across the page.

"You're early, but Jane's last guy cancelled so she should be ready for you."

The freak-show receptionist led me down a hallway and into the farthest room on the right. It was dimly lit and smelled of latex and incense. He quickly introduced me to Jane, shutting the door behind him on his way out. Once I was alone with the young strawberry blonde we began to go over what I wanted and the pricing. Jane encouraged me to make myself at home and began to set up.

"I'll just be a couple of seconds." She picked up a pack of Marlboros and waved them at me. "You smoke?"

I nodded, taking a cigarette from the pack. "I need a lighter."

She tossed her Bic at me. A few more seconds passed. "Okay, I'm ready. Take off your shirt."

I finished a long drag, mentally kicking myself for partaking in the habit Bella so desperately wanted me to break. To say she wasn't happy when she found out I'd started smoking again would have been the understatement of the century. As far as Bella knew, I'd quit, but truthfully I still stumbled when I was upset, angry, or nervous.

Basically, everyday.

I began to loosen my tie and slowly undid the buttons of my shirt before moving to the chair in the center of the room. She ran her gloved fingers over my bare chest, using an alcohol wipe to sterilize the area around my tattoo. My muscles tensed at the cool contact.

"You know, they say tattooing chick's name on your body is a jinx."

"Yeah, well, I think it's a little too late to worry about that now," I said regretfully, taking another puff.

"Sore subject?"

"You could put it that way."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Of course, we ended up talking about it anyway. She attempted to make small talk about each one of the figures on my chest before finally catching on that I really wasn't in the mood to talk. Forty-five minutes later, my upper body was sore and I reeked of cigarettes. I tipped the tattoo artist big for putting up with my shitty attitude and smoking her entire pack.

As I drove back to Forks, I wondered how I was going to tell Bella about the changes to my tattoo. Things had been getting better for her, and the last thing I wanted to do was cause any major setbacks. I used a bunch of waterproof bandages I'd stolen from the hospital to cover up my tattoo and took a quick shower to rid my body of the cigarette smoke. After brushing my teeth three or four times, I left my parents' house for my own.

When I arrived, Bella was already busy in the kitchen with dinner. The younger kids each had a job of their own. EJ stirred one of the pans while Kristen put ice into the glasses and Keaton set the table. Noticeably absent was my oldest. "Where's Seth?" I asked.

"He's probably out with his friends. Can you let the dog in?"

I walked over to the back door and hollered for Bear. "Out with friends? That's bullshit, Bella. He's supposed to be here. We're having a family dinner."

I didn't expect Bella to understand how much I actually missed him. She saw Seth everyday, and the other kids always wanted to see me. They looked forward to every visit with so much excitement they could hardly contain themselves. Seth, on the other hand, avoided me like the plague.

His mother was quick to defend him. "I know. I'm sorry, Edward. I reminded him this morning. He probably just forgot."

"We both know damn well he didn't forget."

I grabbed her phone, knowing there was only a slim chance he'd answer a call from mine. Bella might not have cared about Seth's blatant disrespect for me, but I most certainly did. It was about to end.

"Where are you?" I asked, skipping the formalities. His end of the line went silent.

"Dammit!" I slammed the phone down on the counter and reached for my keys. "When I find him, I'm taking his goddamn car keys away."

"I've tried," she told me. Her voice was distressed. "It doesn't work."

"Well, maybe if you'd suck it up and ask your goddamn husband to come home it might!"

I stormed out before Bella had a chance to respond. I'd crossed the line with my comment, and I didn't need to wait around to know I'd probably made her cry. To make matters worse, I'd said it right in front of the kids. They hated it when Bella and I argued, and were probably just as upset.

It didn't take long for me to spot Seth's Jeep. I pounded on the front door of Alice and Jasper's house. Knowing they managed to stay together through everything both encouraged and infuriated me. The two of them had recently rekindled their romance, making everyone else a little sick to their stomachs. I wasn't really in the mood to deal with either of them. Luckily, their adorable daughter answered the door.

"Hi, Uncle E."

"Hi, princess. Is Seth here?"

She whispered, "I think he's in Tori's bedroom, but her door is shut."

I nearly pushed the ten-year-old over in my rush toward the bedroom I knew belonged to Victoria. My hand gripped the doorknob tightly and I didn't bother knocking. Seth and Victoria were laying across her unmade bed, arms wrapped around each other. At least they were fully clothed.

"Goddammit, Seth!"

He stood, putting as much distance between himself and Victoria as possible. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

I grabbed him by his collar. "Getting your ass to our family dinner."

He resisted, forcefully pushing my hand away. We stood face to face in the middle of the tiny bedroom. Alice and Jasper had emerged and watched from the door, Tori from her bed. "Forget it. I'm not going."

"Yes, you are."

"You can't make me," he challenged.

"Yes, I can."

His jaw tightened. "Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?"

I swallowed, missing the time in his life when he knew my word was final. The kid was probably right—I couldn't _make_ him do anything. He was close to my size and just as stubborn as his mom. "Come on, Seth. This is really important to Mom. I'm not asking again."

He laughed. "God, Dad. You're so predictable. You're all talk, but your actions never back it up. Do you even know why I'm so pissed at you?"

"I know why you're pissed," I insisted. "You think I left Mom when she needed me the most."

"No, Dad, you _gave up _when Mom needed you the most. It's so fucking typical! She wasn't worth the effort. We're never worth the effort, are we Dad? You skimmed by when I was little by doing the bare minimum. I mean, shit, Dad, what kind of guy leaves a nineteen-year-old woman alone to take care of a sick preemie?"

"I was in school!"

"And the summers?"

"Sometimes! It was complicated."

I let him continue. "And when Mom somehow had a lapse in judgement long enough to give you a second chance, you ran at the first sign of trouble and we moved to Florida."

"Mom was the one that fucking moved you to Jacksonville without giving me any of your information. How is that my fault?" I pointed to Alice. "The second she gave me your address, I was on a goddamn plane."

"You could have fought harder. We didn't have to move in the first place. What was that promise you made to me? 'I'm not going to let you and Mom go without a fight'? How long did that last? Ten seconds?"

"Believe it or not, there's another side of the story you don't know."

"Oh yeah? What? That Mom was already pregnant with EJ and she knew she'd be stuck with you either way? I can do simple math. I know now why you joined us in Florida, why you asked Mom to marry you. I might have been a stupid little kid then, blinded by the fantasy of my parents actually loving each other, but I'm old enough to know better now. You can live with your happy little delusional idea of being the perfect father with Edward Junior and the twins, but I'm not fooled for one second."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Seth. You've got me all figured out. Never mind the fact that Mom knew I wanted another kid, agreed to try, and then came to _my_ job to get a morning after pill. Never mind the fact that I forgave her even after she moved my only son across the country without any sort of custody agreement, and for the date she went on with her stupid coworker. You're right. I didn't try hard enough," I said sarcastically.

"Are you fighting now, Dad, by leaving Mom when she needs you the most?"

"She says she needs space."

"You keep saying that! She needs you! You're the only one that can convince her this isn't her fault."

"What, do you actually think I'm blaming her?"

"It doesn't matter what I think. I just know that when it comes to my mother, assertiveness is far more effective than apathy."'

_**PAST**_

I was just about to head to lunch when my office phone rang.

"May I please speak with Mister Cullen?"

"This is him."

"Hi, this is Mrs. Cope with the high school. I'm calling in regard to your son Seth."

"Is there a problem?" I ran my hand through my hair. It was uncommon for the high school to call me. The elementary school practically had me on speed dial. We were on a first name basis between Kristen's asthma and EJ's constant practical jokes. Seth was old enough to take care of himself, though, which was why the call caught me so off-guard.

"I'm afraid your son has been suspended."

"Suspended?"

"I'll allow him to explain himself."

I waited as she handed Seth the phone. My mind ran through all of the possible scenarios which might have resulted in my son's expulsion. "What happened?" I asked once he was on the line.

His tone was short. "Don't worry about it, Dad. I just need you to come get me."

"Don't worry about it?" I repeated. "I don't think so, Seth. Spill."

"Fine. If you must know, I got into a fight."

"A fight? Who started said fight?"

He sighed. "I did. And I said don't worry about it."

I told him I'd be there within ten minutes, and warned that I still expected some answers. After we said our goodbyes, I hung up the phone and looked over at Alice. "What are you so happy about?" I asked.

Her phone vibrated again with another text message—the hundredth of the morning. The smile on her face became infinitely brighter, and I decided maybe it was best if I didn't know. She shrugged, and I could tell it was a struggle for her to keep her face nonchalant. "Seth got into a fight?"

"Yeah," I sighed, standing up. "I'll be back."

I decided maybe it would be best if I didn't call Bella until I had all of the details. I didn't want her to worry unnecessarily. It wasn't like Seth to start conflicts so surely there had to be another side to the story. Bella was busy with a doctor's appointment anyway, so I doubted she would have even answered the phone.

When I arrived at the high school, Seth and another boy were sitting at opposite ends of the main office. The other kid's lip was swollen, but Seth's eye looked just as bad. He allowed me to quickly examine it before pressing the cold pack back to his face.

Principal Berty called us into his office and played the surveillance video for me to see. It clearly showed my son walking up to the other kid as he stood near the lockers. The other kid said something, which initiated Seth to throw the first punch. I watched in shock as the fight ensued. It took five teachers to pull the boys away from each other. When the video faded to black, I glanced over at my son. His expression was unreadable.

"Mister Cullen, I'm sure you know the school takes this type of behavior very seriously."

I nodded. "Understood. Rest assured he will be disciplined."

"And given the fact that Seth was clearly the antagonist, he will bear the brunt of the punishment. We're issuing a full week's suspension."

My eyes opened wide. "Seriously? Aside from the fact that this is his first time offense, isn't it pretty obvious _he_ was the one being antagonized? The other kid must have said something to upset him!"

"Austin Marks says Seth is upset over Katie choosing him as her date to the Fall Dance."

My jaw unhinged. No wonder Seth was so upset. I had no idea his girlfriend had broken up with him. "Is that true?"

Seth scoffed. "Yeah. But Dad, can we _please_ talk about this later?"

I nodded. The principal laughed. "Take some advice, son. No girl is ever worth a fight. Most of the time, they really are more trouble than they're worth."

I couldn't disagree more. Shaking my head, I said, "Yeah, I think we're done here."

Seth followed my lead as I stood up and left the office. On our way out to the parking lot, we stumbled across Victoria and Jasper. I'd forgotten, but Alice had mentioned something about Jasper enrolling her earlier that morning. Seth told Jasper about his fight, which prompted us to reminisce over the time I'd beaten the shit out of Mike Newton in eleventh grade. Fights were a normal part of growing up, Jasper explained. I told him I didn't approve, but I did agree.

Tori mainly stayed out of the conversation. I knew she was shy, and it was technically her first time to meet Seth and me. I'd heard enough from Jasper and Alice to know there was a terrible story lurking behind those crestfallen eyes. The way they bore straight into Seth's didn't escape my notice.

He asked me about her when we made it to the diner for lunch. I told him some of what I knew, leaving out the gory details. In return, Seth opened up to me about the altercation at school. Katie had broken up with him for that stupid son of a bitch earlier in the week. Bella wasn't happy when we finally called to fill her in, and she insisted I drop my son off at the police station before heading back to work.

"Promise me something," I said to Alice when she returned to our office late in the afternoon. Her lunch break had somehow managed to run longer than mine, which was odd considering she usually ate at her desk.

"What?"

"If you haven't already... please, for the love of God, _make sure _Tori is on birth control."

"Why does it matter? I don't care what she does. She's not my kid."

"She's living in your house. Like it or not that makes her your responsibility."

"Oh come on, Edward. It's not like Seth will want to do anything with her. They're not even in the same grade."

"How can you be so sure? Tori is going to be the shiny new toy. Remember when Bella came to Forks? Every guy in our class wanted to have his way with her. Bella didn't even whore around and she still managed to get knocked up before the ink on our diplomas dried."

"Like father, like son?" Alice joked.

"Jesus Christ, I hope not."


	5. Failure by Design

**Chapter 5: Failure By Design**

**BPOV**

"What the hell are you doing?"

It had been an hour and a half since Edward stormed out of what was supposed to be our family dinner. I ate with EJ and the twins, but his dinner was long cold. After what he'd said, he was lucky I even saved him any food at all. The same went for Seth. Multiple times I'd considered giving their leftover portions of chicken parmigiana to the dog, but one of the little traitors—usually Kristen—threw a fit every time I tried.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm moving back in with my wife."

My face turned to panic as I watched Seth and Edward carry duffel bags and suitcases into the hallway. When Edward moved out, he hadn't taken anything other than clothes. Unfortunately that only made it easier for him to blindside me by moving back in. I frantically followed the two of them into our master bedroom, hellbent on bringing Edward down from whatever cloud he happened to be floating on.

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Probably," he quipped. "I know. You're not ready."

"Seth, leave," I commanded. We always made it a point not to argue in front of the kids. Of course, Edward probably intended on using that to his advantage. The two exchanged a nod, and Seth left the room, shutting the door behind him. My hands balled into fists, and I sincerely thought about swinging.

Edward put his hands up as if to surrender... or maybe he just wanted to block his face. "Jesus Christ, Bella, calm down! I'm not saying we have to fuck or even sleep in the same room. I just want to sleep under my own roof again."

My words were firm. "No, Edward. I'm sorry. It's too so—"

His jaw tightened. "I don't care. I can't handle this anymore. And besides, this is _my_ house."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm staying here. If you don't like it, leave. File for divorce. Twist the knife a little further and finish me off. But so help me God, Bella, next time I get a fucking text saying how much you miss me..."

My eyes burned and flooded with tears. He knew as well as I did that I wasn't going anywhere. I wouldn't leave my kids, and I'm not sure why I ever thought it was justified to ask him to do the same. I sobbed unable to say anything intelligible. To hear Edward throw around a word like divorce was absolutely terrifying. It had been the one thing he made me promise against before agreeing to move out.

The stern expression he wore proved what I knew to be true: Edward meant business. It felt like I'd been backed into a corner, and I didn't like it at all. "Fine, Edward," I bawled. "Do whatever you want, but please don't start talking about divorce as if it's not a big deal!"

I stormed out of the room leaving Edward alone to unpack his clothes. The fact that I couldn't physically prevent him from moving home might have been true, but that didn't mean I had to facilitate it. For the rest of the evening, I took great measures to avoid my husband. I felt like a prisoner in my own home, unable to relax or enter a room without him following. My kids were the only buffer between us.

"So... goodnight."

Since I was living in _Edward's_ house, I made the couch into a bed for myself using some spare blankets from the linen closet. As he lingered in the hallway, I paid him no mind. It was obvious he wanted me to join him in _his_ bedroom, but I was still too angry to even consider it. Intent on pushing his buttons, my focus remained on the television. I didn't typically watch TV so late at night, but it made for a convenient distraction. Obviously Edward and I were going to have to talk eventually, but it was going to be on my terms—not his.

My delayed response was curt. "Night."

He mumbled an "I love you" and disappeared from my sight. I had to give Edward some credit; he certainly knew how to elicit a response. For two hours, my eyes studied the living room ceiling. I willed myself to fall asleep but never came close. I felt guilty for denying my husband those three simple words. It shouldn't have mattered that we were fighting. After everything we'd been through, the least I could have given him was something as simple as goodnight kiss.

Maybe I did blame him.

It was hard not to. The logical part of my mind knew Edward's strength was only an illusion created to make the rest of us stronger. It only made me angrier. I wanted Edward to grieve the same way I did. And when he suggested we start trying again, it became clear he wasn't going to. He always pushed me too hard, and tonight was no exception.

What choice did I have but to shut him out?

When I asked him to give me time alone, maybe I just wanted him to hurt as much as I did. Deep down I must have realized that after losing our four-day-old daughter, the supposed cost of my well-being—our separation—would be too much for Edward to handle. Long ago I'd reached my breaking point. After tonight it was clear he had too.

It didn't come with any satisfaction.

My mind ran through all of the maybes and what ifs until well after midnight when I finally decided it was time to give up. The couch wasn't the least bit comfortable, and it definitely didn't compare to the tranquility I felt in my husband's arms. I was still furious over the way he'd acted earlier, but I'd be lying if I said his assertiveness wasn't at least somewhat of a turn-on.

I suddenly wasn't so sure space was what I needed.

I needed reassurance. Desperately, I craved Edward's touch. The doctor had given me the all-clear for sex last month, but I'd been stalling. Suddenly I couldn't put it off any longer—not if I wanted to save my marriage. I needed Edward.

I needed to know he still needed me.

"Dammit," I sighed, rolling off the couch. Keeping the lights off, I headed for our bedroom and locked its door behind me. In the darkness, Edward's sleeping form took up most of the bed. Judging from the sheets tangled around his legs, I was able to conclude his night had been almost as restless as mine.

My mind didn't even allow for second thoughts as I stripped nude and slid into our bed. Edward awoke as I began to straddle him, and though I was the one to initiate our contact, he was quick to roll me onto my back and take the lead.

**PAST**

I was playing a game on my phone to pass the time when the LPN finally called my name. Bogachel Clinic wasn't exactly known for their speed of service, but the number of OB/GYNs in Forks was slim. The appointment was unavoidable. It was that special time of the year; the one check-up every woman always looks forward to.

Yeah, right.

I grabbed my bag and followed the nurse down the long hallway. We passed a few empty exam rooms before stopping at the scale to get my weight and height. For thirty-four I was fairly healthy, so I expected no major snags during my appointment. I just wanted to get in and get it over with. As we entered the tiny room, the nurse measured my vitals and began asking basic questions.

"When was your last period?"

I was prepared for that question, so I knew the answer without even having to think about it. "August sixth."

She jotted down the date on my chart before moving on. "And are you sexually active?"

"Yes." Obviously.

"How often?"

"Uh, I don't know." The question seemed a little personal, especially considering Edward was technically her boss. I wondered what the odds were of this information getting back to his long-time stalker, Tanya. I answered generously. "Four or five times a week?"

The answer was actually somewhere around two or three, but I knew well enough to know it didn't matter. The entire nursing staff liked to talk, and they didn't need to speculate over why Edward wasn't getting laid. He was doing far better than most guys that had been married for ten years—especially for someone who had four kids.

"Are you on birth control?"

"I have an IUD. Mirena, I think."

"And when was it placed?"

It took me a few seconds to count. I'd gotten it inserted a couple of years after the twins were born when it became obvious Edward wasn't going to follow through with his promise to get a vasectomy. "Four or five years ago," I decided.

She flipped through my records and nodded. "You'll probably need to talk to the doctor about getting it replaced."

"Super," I beamed sarcastically. Getting the first one placed hadn't exactly been a picnic, and I doubted getting it removed would be much better.

"Do you have any other concerns that you'd like to address today?"

"No, I don't think so."

She stood up and placed the chart into its cubby next to the door. "Doctor Meyer will be in any second."

Twenty minutes later he finally showed his face.

Doctor Meyer was a friend of Carlisle's. Most of the doctors in Forks ran around together, and all of them were secretly competing for my father-in-law's job as head of the hospital. Carlisle was due to retire any year now, but he turned down the opportunity every time it arose. When we'd ask about it, he was always quick to make some sort of joke about how his grandkids weren't going to make it through college on the salary of a nurse.

I loved my in-laws, but they were still far too critical when it came to my husband's career choice. Personally, I thought Edward had done well for himself considering he became a father at nineteen. My career definitely hadn't gone as well as his had.

"How have you been, Bella? How are the twins?"

"Just as crazy as usual. Yours?"

I waited patiently as Doctor Meyer read through my chart. Twins were our common ground. His identical boys were

a quite a bit younger than Keaton and Kristen, and his wife was always asking me for advice. It was nice to talk to someone who understood the chaos surrounding multiples. We kept the small talk going for a few minutes before our conversation turned serious.

"It says here you're due to replace your IUD."

I nodded. "I guess so."

He glanced at the chart again. "Have you and Edward considered having any more children?"

"No," I lied. "Okay, for Edward's sake I'll say we're undecided."

"Well, it looks like you're turning thirty-five next week. If you were going to have another baby, now would be the perfect time to start trying."

I rolled my eyes. "That sounds like something my husband would say. Thirty-five is a little old to be having kids, isn't it?"

"Not at all! Steph was thirty-six when we decided to start trying."

"And you ended up with twins! Sorry, but that's not very encouraging."

He laughed. "Well, no, it probably isn't, but we wouldn't trade them for the world."

"I know the feeling."

"We could always do something different. Maybe Depo or an oral contraceptive."

"Thanks, but I think I'm fine with the IUD."

Dr. Meyer shrugged. "Suit yourself. Now I know it seems a little ridiculous, but you will have to do a pregnancy test before we can insert the new one."

"Seriously?"

"It's a liability," he explained. "As you probably already know, no form of birth control is 100% effective. If by some off chance you're already pregnant, inserting the new IUD would likely cause a miscarriage."

What he was saying made sense. Taking a pregnancy test shouldn't have phased me. I knew there was little to no chance it would be positive. My period was due any day, and the IUD had worked fine for the past five years. Still, I felt nervous as I made my way over to the main hospital for a blood test. As much as I wanted to attribute my anxiety to the needle and blood, I couldn't silence the little voice in my head that screamed what if.

It would be just my luck.

"Since when are you a phlebotomist?"

Tanya smirked, motioning for me to sit in the empty chair. She grabbed a needle and tube from the receptacle. "Gary's out sick, so I'm filling in." She laughed, "Relax, Bella. I'm not going to run and tell Eddie why you're here."

I knew better than to buy into her two-faced reassurance, and it didn't matter anyway. For a few seconds, I began to worry less about the test and more about getting pricked. I wasn't sure which was more unsettling: her incompetency or distaste for my existence.

"What, for my IUD? Oh, you don't need to worry about that. He's well aware of it's existence."

Tanya stuck me with the needle, and I tried to keep myself from flinching at the unnecessary pressure. "Probably wishes you'd gotten one a long time ago," she quietly murmured under her breath.

It only made me want to provoke her more. "What made you stop after one anyway? Sammy is just _so_ adorable."

He really wasn't, and I already knew the reason why Tanya didn't have anymore kids. As soon as Sammy turned two, his father knocked up some other woman. He now lived in Aberdeen with the replacement family.

"Guess I never found the right guy," she said bitterly.

"That sucks. I guess sometimes it's easy to forget how lucky I am to have a guy like Edward. Our story is just so rare."

That was no lie. Aside from being truly lucky, I also knew that I often took Edward for granted. The thought made me reconsider the test I was taking. I realized if by some off chance it were positive, it definitely wouldn't be the end of the world. I'd actually be okay with it, especially knowing how happy it'd make my husband.

The lab told me it would take at least thirty minutes for the results to come back, and since I wasn't in any sort of a rush, I decided to stop by Edward's office to say hi. I hoped it would take my mind off of the irrational paranoia.

His desk was empty.

"Where's Edward?" I asked Alice.

She looked up from her cell phone. "He didn't call you?"

I checked mine. "No."

Her lips pursed. "Weird."

"Alice, what's going on?"

"Seth had to be picked up from school."

My eyes widened and I wondered why I was just now finding out about it from Alice. "What? Why? Is he okay?"

She laughed. "I'm pretty sure he's fine, Bella. Just had a misunderstanding or something. Hey, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Ugh, don't ask. The clinic sent me over for a pregnancy test."

Her eyes went wide. "Oh my God! Are you?"

"Jesus Christ, I hope not. Can you imagine? I just have to prove I'm not before they'll replace my IUD."

"You totally are," she insisted, clapping her hands together like some sort of weird circus monkey. "I know these things, Bella. Oh, Edward is going to be so excited!"

"Wow. Okay, I'm leaving now."

"Me too, actually." She stood up and straightened her dress. "Do I look okay?"

"You look fine," I told her, unsure of why it mattered so much. "I'll text you when I find out I'm not pregnant."

She made a few more humorless jokes as I left, but I did my best to ignore them. The rational part of my brain was still convinced I wasn't pregnant, but a much smaller and far less logical part of me continued to consider the possibilities.

If I were pregnant, there would be a sixteen year age gap between my oldest and youngest. My dad would probably have a heart attack. The doctor would put me on bed rest, and the next nine months would be absolutely miserable. I'd probably resort to watching daytime television. What other choice would I have? There would be heartburn, mood swings, weight gain, and cravings. Edward would fall back into his neurotic "Are you okay?" mindset, and I might eventually have to kill him. On top of all of that, EJ and Keaton would have to share a room.

I tried to imagine how I might tell Edward if it were true.

He'd be fucking ecstatic. It was so hard to imagine what my life would be like if we had stopped after Seth. The fact that we'd come so far was nothing short of a miracle. Ten years ago, I would have never believed I would become the mother to three more of his children. Yet here we were—and I knew I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Well, Bella," Doctor Meyer began. "It looks like the results are back."

I braced myself by subtly gripping the side of the exam table. It almost seemed as if he was stalling for dramatic effect. "Was it positive?" I finally asked.

"Test was negative, so I'll go ahead and replace the IUD during your pap smear."

He left me alone to undress as the news sank in. It was weird—I wanted the test to be negative. Hell, there wasn't a legitimate doubt in my mind that it would be, but I couldn't deny the fact that it made me upset. If this was how it felt to be let down after less than an hour of far-fetched thinking, I couldn't imagine how Edward felt every time I told him we couldn't have another.

New images entered my head: the look on Edward's face if I were to come home and tell him I was willing to try again... the passion it would add to our intimacy... watching Keaton, Kristen, EJ, and Seth react to the news of another sibling—hopefully a sister...

"Fuck," I whispered just before Doctor Meyer came back into the room. I still couldn't believe I was even considering another baby. I probably needed to see a shrink after I finished up at the OB-GYN.

"Ready?" he asked. I placed my feet into the stirrups and leaned back. As I stared at the ceiling, I considered my options one final time. The doctor's cold hands pressed against the inside of my thigh, and I took a deep breath.

"Doctor Meyer, do you think maybe we could leave the IUD out after all?"


	6. Fork and Knife

**Chapter 6: Fork and Knife**

**EPOV/Present**

"What do you want?" she groaned, sleep still thick in her voice. I moved to kiss her again, too intoxicated by her company to think twice over the annoyance in her voice. I was a man on a mission. It didn't matter that it was only 4:45 in the morning, or that we'd already had sex a couple of hours ago. For the first time in weeks, Bella spent the night asleep peacefully at my side, and I... well, I had spent most of my time awake and trying to determine how much of a bonus Seth deserved on next week's allowance.

My kid was a fucking genius.

Twenty-four hours ago I was alone in the spare bedroom of my parents' house. Thanks to Seth, I'd taken charge and moved back in with my wife. I felt like I finally had my family back—everyone I could get back, at least. Bella had been resistant at first, but she'd come to her senses in the middle of the night. My son was right; all she needed was for me to take some initiative.

I continued to kiss Bella, lightly treading from her neck to her jawbone. My reply came as a simple whisper against her lips. "I want you."

She smiled, but I wasn't sure if it was the product of entertainment or annoyance. "Does that line _ever_ work?"

As my one and only, Bella would know as well as I did. For that reason I didn't respond, instead moving to entwine my body with hers in our dark bedroom. We were still naked from our earlier tryst, and I wasn't below begging. Call it greed, but sex was something I'd been needing for a while. It had been nine weeks since my dick had gotten any action, and once wasn't going to cut it. Though there was a good reason behind our dry spell, I still felt like I had to make up for a lot of lost time. "Please?"

My lips found hers once more. Slowly Bella began to respond, roaming her hands through my hair and deepening the kiss. The electricity between us only continued to intensify as we engaged in playful touching. When my hips began to buckle, she tightened her grip on my hair and broke our kiss.

"You're going to pull out again, right?"

"Hold on a second," I said, remembering the condom in my wallet. "I have protection."

I rolled out of bed and began to look for yesterday's jeans, trudging through the darkness to the pile of clothes I'd lazily left in the middle of the bedroom floor. My eyes, adjusted to the absence of light, had no trouble spotting them, and I quickly grabbed my wallet from the back pocket. After struggling to remove the package from the inner pocket for what probably seemed like longer than it actually was, it finally came free. Bella stayed quiet as I returned to bed.

Setting the condom on our nightstand, I resumed our make out session, hoping in vein my trek hadn't ruined the moment. Bella's movements became sluggish compared to mine, and the passion from earlier had all but dissipated. At first I thought maybe it had to do with my morning breath, but as I shifted my kisses away from her lips and lower, I heard her sigh sadly.

My lips broke away from the soft skin above her nipple. "What's wrong?"

"You're cheating on me, aren't you?"

My eyes went wide. I didn't know how to respond. There wasn't an ounce of validation behind her suspicions, and I wasn't sure why she even jumped to the conclusion in the first place. I reached over to hit the light, illuminating her inscrutable face. "What?" I asked, only partially finding my voice. "Why would you think—"

"You carry condoms in your wallet." She shrugged. "It makes sense, I guess. I haven't been putting out. We've been living apart, and you're still mourning Ava. When Alice was unhappy she had an affair—"

"_Do not _compare us to Alice and Jasper," I snapped sternly, rolling off of her and onto my side. "I mean, what the fuck, Bella? I probably deserve a lot of shit, but this... no. The answer to your question is no. The condom was only in there because I wasn't sure when you were going to be ready, and I didn't want anything to get in the way when you finally were."

Fiercely shifting my body weight, I rolled over to the far edge of the bed and pulled a pillow between my elbow and face. Falling back asleep was doubtful, but I didn't necessarily want to continue my conversation with Bella either. She certainly knew how to kill the mood, and I was just as furious over her indifference as I was over the assumption that I would ever do something so malevolent. I'd managed to navigate four years of college without getting any action, and we weren't even technically together back then. Why would I choose infidelity ten years into our marriage? And as a way to mourn our daughter?

The need for a cigarette began to tug at my brain, accompanied by the guilt of what I was actually doing behind Bella's back. Smoking wasn't remotely as bad as having an affair, but that didn't make it okay. I pushed the craving aside, knowing it would only make the situation worse. I didn't need to give Bella another reason to doubt my faithfulness, nor did I want this to be one of those _one step forward, ten steps back_ situations. Getting laid was nice, but not at the expense of our relationship deteriorating even further.

"Sorry I woke you up," I mumbled.

She tugged on my shoulder. "Edward."

"I'm trying to sleep."

"Edward Cullen." Her voice was much more stern.

I rolled onto my back and snapped, "What?"

She didn't speak. Her finger pointed to my chest and the fresh ink exposed by the illumination of the lamp. I'd forgotten to warn Bella about my tattoo before turning the light on. Still unsure of how she was going to react to our deceased baby girl's presence in our family portrait, I remained quiet. Her expression was unreadable. The anger and hostility I felt only moments ago vanished, replaced by guilt and sorrow.

Her fingers began to tread lightly over the cloud which encircled Ava's name. I cupped her chin, bringing us eye to eye. "I should have told you first. I'm sorry."

Bella scoffed and looked away. It was obvious she was holding back tears. "You don't have to be sorry, Edward. She's our daughter."

My voice cracked as I whispered, "I miss her, you know?"

Bella nodded, moving her body closer to mine. "Yeah. I know."

I was about to lose it, but I kept rambling. "It just felt weird not including her. I don't want to pretend like she didn't exist. I can't..."

"Shhh." She was suddenly straddling me, wrapping her arms around my neck and bringing her lips gently to mine. "It's okay, Edward," she assured me between kisses. "_We're _going to be okay."

I closed my eyes, desperate to soak up the reassurance of Bella's words. Her lips continued to ghost across my skin, and along with the rest of her body, they provided me with the comfort I so desperately needed.

**PAST**

"_Gross!" Seth shuddered as Bella practically attacked me with affection in the middle of our kitchen. Who knew ordering pizza for dinner would score so many points with my wife? I was only trying to take the easy way out. We'd both been at work all day, and she had called an hour ago to say she needed to run an errand before heading home. When she finally walked in the door, the kids were already being fed, and this apparently made her very happy._

_Bella usually wasn't so passionate about pepperoni. _

"_Good day at work?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her slender waist. I pulled her in for another kiss._

"_Mom, Dad, get a freakin' room!"_

_The rest of the kids followed Seth's lead, echoing his disgust. It didn't phase Bella as her tongue slid in and out of my mouth a few more times. As she pulled away, she addressed our children, "What's so disgusting about having two parents that love each other?"_

"_It's just gross!" they each said in their own way. Bella just laughed and went for one of the last pieces remaining in the supreme I'd ordered for Seth and me. Usually we shared one pizza while Bella, EJ, and the twins split another._

"_What are you doing? Eat your own pizza!" I told her, pointing to the other box._

_Bella took a large bite and showed no remorse. "Sorry, Dad. Yours just sounds better today."_

"_But you don't even like Supreme," I argued futilely. _

_She shrugged and took another bite. Seth and I exchanged a bewildering expression, but none of my other kids seemed to notice how strange their mother was acting. My attention eventually shifted to Kristen as Bella changed the subject by asking her about an important spelling test she'd taken earlier in the day. My perfect little girl scored 110%, which was much better than the low C her twin brother had gotten earlier in the week. _

_After dinner, Bella let out a loud yawn and began to complain about feeling exhausted. I eyed her suspiciously. For one, it was only a little after seven. We usually didn't hit the sack until at least ten thirty. Also, tonight was supposed to be sex night. It had been a few days, and after Bella's display in the kitchen earlier, I thought getting laid would be a sure thing. Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to get away from the kids for at least another hour and a half. Bella was sure to be passed out long before then._

"_Are you feeling okay?"_

_She smiled. "Yeah. I feel great, actually, just tired. Do me a favor?"_

"_Sure. What's up?"_

"_Wake me up when you come to bed. We need to talk."_

_I didn't think much of Bella's request. It was obvious "talk" actually meant sex, but she couldn't exactly say that around little ears. It was something I was going to think about regardless of whether I actually got laid or not, but it did make me feel a little better to know Bella intended on putting out. If I thought Bella actually wanted to talk, I probably would have spent the rest of the night caught in a web of paranoia. _

_Instead, I spent the next hour drilling the words for next week's spelling test into Keaton's head. EJ had homework as well, but he inherited his mom's smarts and didn't need much help. The same was also true for Kristen, but she wanted to study with Daddy nonetheless. She was our little overachiever._

_Seth disappeared into his bedroom after dinner, which had become quite routine. A little over a month had passed since his suspension for fighting. He wasn't grounded anymore, but Bella and I were still keeping a close eye on him. It was probably for that reason that he chose to stay in. Lately the boy spent more time glued to his phone than anything else, but that seemed pretty harmless. _

_Jasper and Emmett disagreed. They joked this was the calm before the storm, since Seth was turning sixteen in a few months. Both were convinced it would be all downhill from there, but what did they know? Emmett's oldest was younger than mine, and Tori didn't even belong to Jasper. My boy got into one fight. That didn't mean he was headed down some ultimate path to destruction._

_It was a nine forty-five by the time everyone was finally in bed. I finished up odd chores around the house—most of which the kids should have already taken care of—before heading to my own room, eager to wake Bella up as she had asked. I planned on doing it in a way she wouldn't soon forget._

"_Bella?" I called out, surprised to find our bed empty. The dark room was barely illuminated by the glow from our master bath, where I found Bella crouched over the toilet. She held her hair back with one hand, and motioned me away with the other._

"_Hey, don't come in here," she warned in a shaky voice. "You shouldn't see this."_

_I laughed, grabbing a cloth and wetting it for her in the sink. "I'm a nurse, remember? I think I can handle a sick wife."_

_She shook her head, but didn't dare argue._

"_No wonder you were so tired earlier," I said, holding her hair back as another round of sickness hit._

"_Yeah. Remind me never to eat your pizza again."_

_When she was sure the worst was over, I helped Bella up off of the floor and led her over to the sink to brush her teeth. Then I carried her back to bed. "So I guess I'm not getting laid tonight after all."_

"_Guess not. Sorry."_

_I tucked her in and began looking for the thermometer, knowing it had to be in one of the bathroom drawers. Both of the twins caught a pretty nasty virus a few weeks back, which turned our master suite into somewhat of an infirmary. Just as I spotted what I was looking for, Bella called my name. I returned to the room and turned on the bedroom light. _

"_What's up?"_

"_What are you doing?" she asked._

_I sat down next to her and stuck the heat sensor into her ear, knowing it was probably the closest thing to penetration I was going to get. "Taking your temperature, sick-o. You probably caught that bug that's been going around."_

_She laughed again. "Edward, I'm not sick."_

"_What do you mean, you're not sick?" The thermometer read 98.9—not quite high enough to be classified as a high temperature. I pursed my lips._

"_I told you we needed to talk, right?"_

"_No, you told me it was sex night."_

"_That's what you got from that? Wow."_

"_Bella, what's going on?"_

_She hesitated, a small smile playing on the edge of her lips. With her arms, she beckoned for me to move closer. I did, scooping my wife up and pulling her onto my lap. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I had no idea what Bella was about to say, and she wasn't giving me much to go off of. My fingers intertwined with hers, and she distracted herself by staring at the way my thumb caressed the back of her hand._

"_You know, I'm surprised you haven't figured it by now."_

"_Really, I'm clueless. And kind of scared."_

"_I'm exhausted. I'm having strange cravings, and morning sickness..."_

_I froze as Bella the said the words, unable to actually process them. What was she saying? We were done having kids. She said so herself, and her IUD made sure of it. Bella couldn't have morning sickness. Or cravings. It was 99.9 percent impossible._

"_I'm pregnant." She said it as if she was actually excited about it... as if it hadn't been the source of every argument we'd had over the past few years. The words hung in the air. My mind remained suspended in disbelief. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick."_

"_This is a joke, right?"_

_She shook her head. "Not a joke. Remember my doctor's appointment last month? I... had him take my Mirena out. You're going to be a daddy again, Edward."_

_A massive grin spread across my face even though I still didn't quite believe she was pregnant. My wife knew how much I wanted another baby, but I'd given up hope a long time ago that she would ever change her mind about it. Well, apparently she had. My lips found hers, fervently conveying the elation I felt. It was difficult to be mindful of her nausea because I was just so fucking excited. I wanted to roll her onto her back and try for another, or at least get in some more practice on the subject._

"_Wait, why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked when she finally pulled back. _

"_Well, I wasn't sure how long it was going to take and I definitely didn't expect it to happen this quick. I mean, we're getting older, and it took almost a year for the twins... I just didn't want you to get your hopes up."_

_I brought my lips to hers again, unable to hold back. Obviously there were still a few questions that needed to be answered, but all of that could wait. My wife was pregnant. I was going to be a father again, and at the moment, nothing else in the world seemed to matter._

**A/N: A couple of things...**

**First, I'm going to start italicizing the things that are in the past. I probably should have done that from the beginning, and I'll change the older chapters to make it consistent. I think this'll make it easier to distinguish between the past/present. We're seeing what led up to the separation—but a lot of the story has yet to be revealed.**

**Second, this update took much longer than usual, and for that I am sorry. I'll try to be better next time. **

**Thanks for sticking with me. :)**


	7. New Beginnings

**Chapter Seven: New Beginnings**

**BPOV**

**_PAST_**

"_Do you think I'm a bad kid?" _

_I looked up from my computer at Tori as she sat in my office, having been picked up from school earlier in the day. They caught her messing around in the parking lot with one of the seniors—her boyfriend, she insisted. Both were given four day suspensions, which didn't make a whole lot of sense considering the amount of free time they were sure to have in the next few days to finish the job. For that reason Alice didn't want her at home alone. Jasper was busy on patrol today, so having nothing better to do, I volunteered to share my office for the afternoon. _

"_No, I don't," I answered honestly. Her question caught me off-guard, but not so much because I was afraid of my answer. Truly, I didn't think Tori was a bad kid. Actually, I kind of liked the girl... but I would never tell Alice or Edward that. I understood my best friend's reasons for concern, but I also knew how easily it was to misconstrue a situation. Positive guidance was sure to go a long way._

"_You don't?"_

_I turned off my computer monitor, knowing Tori probably deserved my undivided attention. The station's paperwork could wait. "Do you know how old I was when I got pregnant with my son?"_

_She shook her head._

"_Only two years older than you are now. I made a stupid decision, got drunk, and slept with a guy. It was totally out of character, but do you think anyone who saw me on the street would know that? I was a single mom until Seth was five, living in low income housing and barely keeping my head above the water."_

"_Wow," she gasped. "You seem pretty put together now though."_

_I shrugged. "Tori, I know you come from a crappy situation—way worse than I or anyone else could ever imagine. But we can't control where we come from. The only thing we can control is what we do with what we're given. And for you, it looks like you've been given the opportunity of a lifetime: a fresh start."_

"_I don't want to be like my mom."_

"_Then don't let yourself be like your mom," I countered._

"_But I don't really want to be like Alice either," she added. "She hates me... not that I blame her."_

"_Give Alice some time. She hated Edward too, but look at them now. They're like office besties or something like that."_

_Tori laughed. I hated to admit it, but I'd never seen her show so much emotion before. She typically kept her guard up around everyone except Jasper, and I knew he'd be thanking me later. Her next words came from nowhere. They were very serious. "The only time I've ever had sex willingly, it was because some guy at the bowling alley offered to pay."_

_It was hard to stomach Tori's confession. My morning sickness had already gotten the best of me once, and hearing Tori talk so casually about non-consensual sex and sex-for-hire was almost enough to bring on a second wave of vomit. I fought the urge to lay my head down on her desk, not wanting to give her the wrong idea. My pregnancy was only in its sixth week, and Edward and I were waiting to reveal the big news._

"_And what about the parking lot today? What was that about?"_

"_I guess I just wanted James to like me."_

_I sighed, almost positive that James or whatever his name was probably did like her now. What teenage boy wouldn't love a blow job before third period? If word got out, she would probably be the most pursued girl in school. My advice was generic, but I had to wonder if her worthless mother had ever cared enough to say it. "If a guy only likes you for sex, then he's not worth it. Trust me." I added, "Tori, you have to learn to say no. I'm sorry if for whatever reason that wasn't an option in the past, but this is a fresh start. Remember?"_

_She nodded._

_I continued, "I know this is probably going to sound crazy now, but the more you put yourself out there, the duller you'll feel when you actually find someone worthy enough to share something like that with. Sex isn't supposed to be cheap... literally and metaphorically... and especially not at sixteen."_

"_So you think I should wait for true love or whatever?"_

"_Not necessarily. But I do think you should wait. I mean, what if you were to get pregnant? It only takes one time. Trust me, I'm kind of an expert on the subject."_

"_You said you were a single mom. Did Seth's dad not want anything to do with you?"_

_I hesitated, unsure of how to answer. My eyes drifted to a framed picture on my desk of the three of us, taken ten years ago on the night we told Carlisle and Esme of our relationship. Edward, Seth, and I sat at the piano as he played a couple of songs he'd written for us. I couldn't help but remember how different things had been back then and smiled at how far we'd come. "Edward just had to figure out some things first, that's all."_

"_Edward is Seth's dad? You forgave him?"_

"_Sure did. I guess we eventually accepted the fact that we were meant to be together, and we've been happy ever since."_

"_Do you think I have someone out there too?"_

"_Sure. Why not?"_

"_Well, what if it was your son? I mean, do you think you'd ever approve of him dating a girl like me?"_

_I wasn't prepared to answer that question. Would I approve of Seth dating a stray, emotionally troubled girl? Probably not. I knew Edward definitely wouldn't, and especially not so young. As much as I hated to accept it, Seth was like every other hormone-fueled teenage boy, and Tori was apparently willing to give up the prize far too easily._

_I turned the picture around so she could see. "To be honest, I'm not so sure I approve of my baby boy dating anyone."_

_Jasper picked the perfect moment to enter my office, distracting Tori and providing me with an opportunity to get away without actually answering her question. He asked if she was ready to go, and she hesitated. Jasper could be rather terrifying when he was angry, and that was made clear by the way the atmosphere in the room changed with his presence. I knew she was in for some rather harsh discipline, and even though it was well deserved, I still felt sympathy for her. Tori offered me a tight smile before grabbing her things._

_Stopping at the doorway, she offered up a sincere thank you. I smiled in return, extending an invitation for her to come back anytime if she needed to talk. Jasper's face morphed from anger to relief. _

"_I'm really sorry, Jasper," I heard her say. I doubted Jasper provided her with a response._

_I set the picture back onto my desk and straightened it along with the few others of Seth, EJ, Keaton, and Kristen—my babies. I'd do anything for them, and the little bean growing inside me was no different. Nothing could compare to the love I felt for each and every one of my children, and their father too. I only wanted the best for them, which translated into making wiser decisions than Edward and I had. Our story was rare. We were lucky, and I could almost guarantee that if Seth found himself in a similar situation with a pregnant girl, he wouldn't be._

**PRESENT...**

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed.

That's what Edward and I woke up to the morning after our reconciliation.

Okay, so they weren't actually monkeys. And they weren't very little either. I had anticipated an early morning ambush, but these kids were so hyped up you'd think their older brother gave them Kool-Aid and Count Chocula for breakfast. They were understandably excited to see their parents together after a month of Daddy being out of the house, but bombarding us at 8:45 in the morning was a little extreme.

I blamed Edward for unlocking the bedroom door in the first place, but at least we were smart enough to get dressed before doing so.

"Bellllla," he groaned, keeping his eyes tightly closed. I knew he was exhausted. He said so as we drifted to back to sleep this morning, having stayed awake most of the night. "_Why_ did we have all of these kids?"

He was only teasing, but I couldn't help but ask myself the same thing. Nothing beat sleeping in on a Saturday morning, and this was especially true after an overindulgent night with my husband. Ten weeks without sex took its toll, especially on Edward, and I knew I had a lot to compensate for. Unfortunately I couldn't exactly tell my kids to go away, or why their mom and dad were so tired. "Why are you asking me? They were your idea, genius!"

Out of nowhere, Edward grabbed Keaton and began to tickle him relentlessly. "Not this one! I don't know _where_ he came from!"

He had a point; Keaton wasn't really in the plan. We had every intention of stopping after three. Twins didn't run in either of our families, and seeing two babies on the ultrasound screen had been a total shock to both of us. I cried for weeks thinking my body would never recover and spent the rest of my pregnancy marinading in cocoa butter only to get stretch marks anyway. But Keaton was my baby... or at least he had been until Ava came along.

I didn't even want to think about it. My morning was perfect—even with the exhaustion. Ava was the only thing that could bring me down, and as guilty as it made me feel, I just couldn't deal with it. I wanted to be happy.

"Mommy!" Keaton wailed. "Help me!"

"Leave my baby alone!" I began to attack Edward, focusing all of my energy on his sensitive spots. The other two kids didn't hesitate to follow my lead. Edward could have easily overpowered us, but he chose to play along. Within a matter of seconds he was wide awake, frantic with laughter, and pretending to beg for mercy. I heard subtle laughing coming from the doorway and finally noticed that Seth had been standing there the entire time.

I teased, "Do you want to jump on the bed too?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm think I'm good, Mom."

I nodded, suddenly very serious. Edward didn't give me the specifics on what had happened between the two of them yesterday, but he did mention Seth's concern for the both of us. Whatever he said, Edward took it very seriously. I wanted my son to know that I was okay... or that I was going to be, at least. "I'm good too, Seth."

Before either of us could say anything else, Kristen snuggled into my side. "Are you and Daddy married again?"

Edward interjected, "_Married again_?"

"We were never _not_ married, baby."

"And we're never going to be not married," he added. "Mom couldn't run away from me if she tried."

"And trust me, she's tried." Seth laughed before taking note of my unamused face. "Still too soon? Wow... uh, so anyway, I have to go to work now."

"What time will you be home?"

"I don't know. Later tonight. Why?"

I pointed to the little leeches wedged between my husband and me. "Because these three are going to Charlie's."

Edward raised his eyebrow. "Are they?"

I winked, and Seth read between the lines. "Oh my God, seriously? Guess I won't be home later tonight after all. I'll see if I can spend the night with Henry or something... please, just never do that in front of me again."

It was on that note he rushed out of the room. We reminded him to call and warned him to behave himself or suffer the consequences. Seth was technically grounded, but Henry was our nephew, and I knew I could count on Rosalie and Emmett to keep my son in line. When necessary my sister-in-law could be quite the hard-ass.

For the rest of the morning, I stayed in bed and watched cartoons with the rest of my babies. Edward slept. I wished I could be so lucky, but someone had to be the babysitter. By the time afternoon rolled around, I was exhausted. Edward allowed me to take a short nap, and when I awoke I was more than ready for a night alone with my husband.

At five o'clock, we couldn't get them out the door and over to Charlie's fast enough.

"Do you want to stop by and see Ava?" Edward asked as we returned home from my father's. Charlie was happy to see the two of us together, especially considering he'd been against our time apart since day one. It was strange; I never thought I'd see the day when my father actually took Edward's side over mine. I always told Charlie that he didn't understand the situation, and he always argued that Edward would be the only one who did. I hated to admit it, but my dad was right.

I squeezed my husband's hand from across the center console and nodded. "Yeah. I think I'd like that."

We made our way to the northeast end of town, stopping by Forks' only cemetery where someday, hopefully in the very distant future, Edward and I would join our youngest daughter. I felt my knees go weak at the site of her petite headstone, and if not for Edward's support, I surely would have crumbled to the ground. He held me tight as the hysterics began.

"Shhh, Bella," he whispered. "It's okay."

I looked into his tear-filled eyes knowing they only mirrored my own. "It's not okay, Edward! It's not fair! I never even heard her cry, or saw her alive without the tubes and machines..."

He rubbed my back. "You're right. I know. I'm so sorry, baby. She was beautiful."

"I just can't do it again, Edward. I know you want to try, but I can't. Losing her was hard enough. If it happened again..."

"You don't have to say it. It's okay."

I knew better than to believe him. "It's not."

"No, it is. Bella, this whole fucking separation has been a huge wake up call for me. I'm sorry it took being thrown out to realize this isn't worth losing my entire family over. If you don't want to try again, we won't try again. Not now, not ever. I'll do whatever you need me to do."

I looked at him, shocked by what he was implying. He knew what I wanted. We'd only argued about it a million times in the ten weeks since our daughter died. Edward refusing to get a vasectomy was one of the main reasons I pushed him away in the first place, and until now it seemed neither of us would back down from our stance.

I felt selfish asking him to do it, but what other choice did I have? Replacing Ava felt so... wrong. And even the thought of burying another child was too much for me to handle. Based on past experience, getting pregnant was easy for us... as long as we weren't thinking about it. I couldn't risk it. I needed one hundred percent certainty that we could never have another baby—no matter how much he hated the idea. I just couldn't do it. I'd already been through so much.

Then again, so had he.

_**AN: I feel like I need to explain why the chapters have been few and far between lately (and also why I haven't gotten around to review replies) See, about 11 weeks ago my husband left the country for his job. And about 5 weeks after that, bam. I find out I'm pregnant. My first trimester is ending soon, but I'm still exhausted 24/7. I hope you'll forgive (and stick with) me.**_


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